I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
