I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
