The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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