You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He did a backflip because drugs
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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