I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
