what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
