forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
