What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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