I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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