It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
