remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
