I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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