So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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