He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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