I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
