Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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