I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just want to make out with him forever
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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