Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
