I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
one might say we're banned from that church
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
