I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
