u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
