So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
