Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
