before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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