I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
