dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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