3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we made out on top of his cat.
She even gives head with a lisp.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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