Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
tell me about the eggs
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
