I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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