Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
