I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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