If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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