do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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