its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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