i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
