did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
