Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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