Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
