dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
