I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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