i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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