I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
