do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize