dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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