I faked an abortion last night.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
