I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
