OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
