it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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