I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
