I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
