I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
