Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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