I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
