i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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