I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
