I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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