You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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