I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
