Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize