you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
