so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
