Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize