its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
