Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
