on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
