You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
