just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
