You're so nebulous sometimes
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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