I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
