I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
