You're my little dorito
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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