chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
