Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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