Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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