Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
