I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
