Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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