Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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