I think I am morally bankrupt
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
