so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
