I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
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