when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
