The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
A bitchslap is in order.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
