i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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