Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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