If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
