i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm passing your future prison.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
