My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
