No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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