Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
