PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
