I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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