My friends, they love my intelligence
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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