I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
