It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
