My sheets look like a crime scene.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize