I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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