I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
