Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
