Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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