Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I need water and some morals
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
