Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
