Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You were trust falling into bushes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
