Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
