I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
